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Kaitlin Bowyer

Inspired by: "After the song finished, I said something. 'I feel infinite.' And Sam and Patrick looked at me like I said the greatest thing they ever heard. Because the song was that great and because we all really paid attention to it. Five minutes of a lifetime were truly spent, and we felt young in a good way. I have since bought the record, and I would tell you what it was, but truthfully, it's not the same unless you're driving to your first real party, and you're sitting in the middle seat of a pickup with two nice people when it starts to rain." - Charlie, The Perks of Being A Wallflower (MTV BOOKS, 1999)

I Feel Infinite

The feeling like you’re standing
completely still while the world rushes
by. It’s staring out a window while the
rest of the world sleeps. It’s being.
It’s the impression that you’re so
completely invisible in a crowded
hallway. It’s knowing that life
is...indescribable and God is even more
so. It’s silence, rain, and stars. It’s
understanding more than you should. It’s
surrendering but somehow still winning.
It’s wanting to sing and cry at the
exact same time and not knowing why.
It’s singing praise songs loudly in an
empty house. It’s feeling beautiful in
pajamas and glasses with wet curly hair
and knowing that someday you’re going to
find the person who thinks so too. It’s
the wind. It’s taking risks, but not to
prove anything, just because that’s part
of life. It’s whispering into the dark
night and understanding Your Father
hears you. It’s loving someone, because
you actually love them, not because
they loved you first. It’s closed eyes. It’s
the blurry world around you when you’re
running faster than ever. It’s overjoyed.
It’s being scared and feeling
secure. It is fleeting and difficult to
discover. It’s there and it leaves
sooner than you would like.
It’s my infinite.